Sprays and Spits
by cgaussie01
Summary: Young Megamind and Minion kidnap Roxanne Ritchi for the first time, but things don't go according to plan at all...


Face pressed up against the glass of the car, his breath leaving streaks of steam against it as he did. Hands eagerly pressing he scooted closer on the car, green eyes wide with wonder as he watched the young woman walking down the street. "Ohhhh, just _look_ at her Minion..." he whispered.

"I'm looking, I'm looking." replied the fish, sounding a little bored, from his place at the drivers seat.

The young woman had long brown hair that came down to her waist, she was wearing a red skirt with white blouse, and a black vest. Over a shoulder was a laptop shoulder bag, and she was currently talking on the phone.

"Roxanne Ritchi." Megamind whispered the name as if he wasn't allowed to really speak it. "Ohhh Ms. Ritchi you are about to enter into a world from whence there is _no_ escape."

"I don't know Sir, kidnapping? That's not really our... well. Foray, is it?" Minion asked as he looked down at the Knock Out Spray that his Boss had created a few weeks ago. It would knock out a subject for a certain amount of time, judging by just how much was sprayed into their face. He, luckily, had been the test subject and before falling unconscious he had smelt apples for some reason. Waking up luckily came without a headache, that is unless you struck your head when you fell. That was something Megamind would not allow! Drop Roxanne Ritchi? The up and coming news reporter?

Minion would be deep fried in batter if he dare do such a thing.

"Exactly!" Megamind grinned before peeling his face away from the glass, which now had an imprint of it perfectly, and rubbed his black gloves together excitedly. "It's against our usual policy! They'll never see it coming! _He_ won't see it coming." he wickedly giggled to himself, clapping his hands as he did.

"Him, Sir?" Minion raised an eyebrow. "This is about Metro Man isn't it?"

"Of course it's about Metro Man!" replied the alien, "Everything I do is about Metro Man! That pompous do-gooder with his charming smile and great hair! He has to have a weakness Minion, and I intend on finding out what it is today." he turned back to stare out at the woman who had sat down at the bus stop, waiting for the bus. He had it on good authority that her car had mysteriously 'vanished' and had been written off as stolen. How was she to know it had been cubed and currently sat in the back of Megamind's Invisible Car? With the loss of her car, the woman had to catch a bus to work.

She'd be all alone at a bus stop. The perfect place to pull off a kidnapping.

"And how are we going to do that exactly, Sir? I really wish you'd talk me through some of your genius plans." the fish lamented.

"You forget where you stand on the ladder of things, Minion." Megamind reminded helpfully. "Remember, I'm the evil super villain and you're my minion. Minion's don't know _everything_ their boss is up to, that's why they're Minion's!"

"Well yeah but I'd like to think I'm more than just a flunky!" Minion replied, giving his boss his best kicked puppy face. Or in this case, best kicked guppy face. Megamind looked at him with a blank expression at first, before it slowly melted into something close to tenderness and he reached out and patted the robot arm gently.

"Of _course_ you are, Minion! But we have bigger fish to fry here! Pardon the expression." he added quickly.

"None taken." sighed the fish.

"We have a woman to kidnap." Megamind turned his head back to Roxanne, and smiled a tiny, pleased smile. "Awesome."

"But I still have to ask Sir, with all due respect, how is kidnapping Ms. Ritchi going to reveal a weakness in Metro Man?" the fish asked as he put aside the Forget Me Stick, feeling that striking a woman in the head with a black padded night stick was just too violent.

"She ran that exclusive interview with him last week." mused the blue alien, "You saw it."

"How could I miss it? She just happened to be there after Metro Man felled one of your many attempts at taking control of the city. I still think that Destruct-o-Saur was one of your best ideas, Sir." added the fish.

Megamind sniffed once, and shut his eyes. "You learn from every mistake. Anyway," his eyes opened. "There he is, holding me by the collar while she throws a microphone in his face and decides to ask him questions while I'm hanging there like a bat! The nerve! Standing there in that blouse and skirt combination and smelling of lavender! Fluttering those eyelashes at him as if _he's_ the greatest thing in existence!" if anything, she should be looking at _him_like that, not Metro Man. But he'd never admit that much to the fish. "She made a connection with him that day, Minion. A connection I intend to use for all intended purposes with such malice all my warranties will be invalid!"

Roxanne hung up her mobile, sighing. Her mother was coming down on her again about the fact she didn't own her own house yet, or even seeing anyone seriously. Honestly now, who had time for mortgages and boyfriends at a time like this? She was working her way up the ranks in her new job, and just happening to be at the right place at the right time had flung her into the spotlight. For any career driven woman this was a good thing, yet still her mother still found things to complain about. Being an only child all great expectations were thrust upon her like home ownership, a partner, and especially grandchildren.

As she liked reminding her mother, it was her life, her business, and she should keep out of it. After all, she was only twenty two! What year did her mother think it was, 1900's?

She heard an engine approach and she lifted her head to look at where she thought the bus would be approaching from. But there was no bus there, no nothing actually. Roxanne blinked and glanced down the street, then in the opposite direction, wondering just where the noise was coming from when something suddenly all but erupted out of nowhere. It was a... grey hand, grasping a can. Next thing she knew apples filled her senses, and everything went black.

"CATCH HER!" Megamind screamed, and Minion did just that, managing to snatch at her with his free hand around her slim waist.

Roxanne was pulled into the invisible car, and its tires screeched as it was suddenly hurled down the street driving like a mad man. Minion was driving, and after having pulled the unconscious woman into the car he had thrown her into the back seat. Megamind, who had leapt around into the back seat whilst Minion had gotten a hold of her was now hovering over her, gripping at the front seat in front of him, eyes large and looking at her face. Wow. She was prettier than he thought she had been... and she had freckles! It was so hard to judge prettiness whilst you were being held up by your cape and flailing your arms like pinwheels and kicking your feet.

"Okay... okay..." he said to himself before realizing he had no idea what he was supposed to do now. She was unconscious. Her eyes were shut. Did that mean she'd be no problem? What would happen if she woke up? Why hadn't he thought of that? He glanced at Minion, whose eyes were on the road as he expertly drove between cars and narrowly avoided swinging into a cop car whose speed camera they had on their dashboard picked up the speed of 134km in a 50 zone. Naturally their alarms went on and they raced after the car that they had seen, which obviously wasn't the invisible car.

The wailing of the sirens made Megamind jump, and it jolted his brain to life again. He had to tie her wrists. And her legs! He didn't want her scratching or kicking at him, did he? She'd hurt herself, and he didn't want that. Grabbing some handy near by rope he gingerly picked up one of her wrists before thinking. "She might chew through them if they're tied in front..." he mused before he slowly and carefully rolled her onto her side and quickly fastened her wrists together against her back.

"Sir what are you doing?" Minion asked, peering into the rear view mirror. "You aren't-"

"NO! I'm tying her up!" Megamind shouted back louder than he should have, before moving to her ankles. Such dainty things they were, and her skin... it felt so smooth, what he could feel through his thin leather gloves. He suddenly wished he wasn't wearing them. "We don't want her ruining our upholstery with her nails and feet now do we? And when we get to the lair this way she'll be easier to carry around!"

And it turned out he was right. By the time the two arrived in their old abandoned dog food factory down town and Minion had to haul the woman out and sling her over her shoulder she really was easier to carry this way without limbs falling everywhere. At least thirteen Brain Bots flew in to greet them, bowging happily at seeing Daddy return with a toy for them to play with. One was even brazen enough to open its maw to bite down on Roxanne's leg before Megamind leapt in, shoving the bot away and narrowly missed getting his own hand caught.

"Ah! Ah! No, no, no!" he said, waving his finger in a scolding manner at the offending Brain Bot. "This isn't your play thing; this is Daddy's play thing! Uh. I mean. Daddy's kidnap victim! Yes!" Megamind straightened out his collar as he stood, cheeks a faint purple color, and turned to trail after Minion who was carrying the young woman up a small flight of stairs. His eyes trailed to her face, eyes shut, and hair hanging down, masking most of her pretty face. Megamind swallowed slowly, before shaking his head, forcing himself to toughen up. He was about to broadcast his evil villainy to the city, to lure out Metro Man and use this woman against him. How could he attack Megamind if he had a hostage? And not just any hostage, but Roxanne Ritchi, the darling of the news team?

She did 'soft' stories at the end of most news days. You know the kind, the ones that highlight the vintage road show, a pet parade, walks for charity and things like that. The long haired woman would smile nicely at the camera and speak to them in her calm, content tone and articulated every word perfectly. Megamind, who watched the news daily in order to see if he was being talked about, had spotted the young reporter one evening and had been instantly transfixed. Why, he didn't really understand. But what he saw he definitely liked.

To think that she would one day be there to interview Metro Man, ignoring him completely, and smile at the man and ask him probing questions about how he knew just how to defeat the giant Destruct-o-Saur that had been made out of scrap pieces of metal and old cars by Megamind and Minion had just been... infuriating. But she was his now, here in his lair, at his mercy. Rubbing his hands together he chuckled deeply.

"Getting ready, Sir?" Minion asked as he found a chair and set the young woman on it, carefully balancing her so she wouldn't go tumbling to the side. Maybe he should have tied her to the chair too... he quickly made that adjustment, since the last thing they wanted was her hurting herself.

"Hmmhmm." Megamind pulled his cape in close to him and stepped away, out of the light that was filtering in through some near by windows and waited. Judging by how much knock out spray Minion had used, the young woman would be waking up soon. An idea suddenly hit, and he grabbed a small brown sack that had been sitting on the floor. Minion watched as Megamind flapped it to rid it of dust before hurrying to the woman and putting the bag over her head. "Dramatic affect." he whispered before going back to stand in the shadows.

Her slumped form began to slowly stir, and he watched as she sat up suddenly alert.

Panic seemed to coarse through her veins as she suddenly awoke, jerking into a proper posture to use when sitting at a chair. Struggling, she realized that her wrists and feet were bound by rope, and she was tied to a chair. She immediately tried to free herself, struggling against her ties but found herself incapable of freeing herself. Then she went completely still, and Megamind began to open his mouth to speak when she suddenly let out a high pitched scream that was slightly muffled by the sack she had thrown over her head. She threw her head from side to side, screaming still, but it was hardly a girly womanly scream but something more like an angry, enraged scream.

Megamind jumped back, alarmed by her reaction. His green eyes widened and he clutched at his chest, a crashing wave of guilt suddenly smothering him from all sides. She was terrified. "Oh God oh God oh God," he stammered, and his words seemed to freeze her panic. Her head moved slightly, obviously the instinctual reaction to look around even with her vision blocked.

"Who's there?" she asked, voice muffled.

He should be launching into his speech, the speech he had spent all last night writing and collaborating, but Megamind's voice was stuck in his throat. She was talking to him. She was tied up, her vision blocked, yet she wasn't a sobbing, hysterical woman. Had he expected that from her? A little part had, but a stronger, larger part of him said no. Roxanne wasn't the type to sob and beg for her life. She was listening intently, obviously, for where he was and who he was. She wanted to see _him_ now.

"Sir?" Minion whispered as quietly as he could, "Sir...! Your queue...!" he gestured frantically to the spot in the light.

The familiar voice jolted him and he gestured with a hand. Minion quickly grabbed the sack and pulled it off of her head. She gasped as the sack was removed, and shook her head. Megamind watched from the shadows as her hair flailed around her, and he could practically see it in slow motion as she did it. It swished to and fro, before she threw her head back and her hair arched majestically before falling back into place falling like brown waterfalls over the side of her face, neck and shoulders. She breathed deeply, chest raising and falling as she did, and looked around.

"A-all right..." she said, attempting to sound tough but he could hear the fear, and the panic. "I don't know who you think you are, but you're... you're..."

"I am the terror who runs through the night!" Megamind announced suddenly, "I am the parking ticket left unpaid in your back drawers! I, am, Megamind." he took a few steps forward, walking into the light, and he saw the worried, somewhat frantic expression on her face turn to one of confusion, then shock. "Yes, yes. I am horrifying to behold in real life, aren't I?" he asked casually, putting a hand to his hip. "I'll give you a moment to bask in awe."

"You?" she asked, she had been so afraid because of the clumsy wanna be bad boy. Now she just felt miffed then terrified. "How dare you!"

"Yes!" Megamind grinned proudly, "I dare!" he stalked forward and held up a mobile phone in his hand, though it seemed to be a home made one since she was sure she could see some soup tin metal used to make its shell. "You, my dear, are about to help me in bringing down the greatest hero this city has ever seen!"

"What? How on Earth..." Roxanne started but he held his hand up, silencing her as he pressed a button on the one button mobile and put it to his ear. Who was he calling? Metro Man? That was just pathetic.

"Metro Man!" Megamind shouted suddenly, making Roxanne and Minion jump. "...Met... Metro? Can you hear me? Hello?" he asked, lifting his voice. "Hell-" he scowled and looked at the phone and pressed the button again. "The reception in here is AWFUL Minion!" he scolded the fish, as if it was his fault. "Miserable Earth techn-METRO MAN!" he announced yet again, now purposely shouting. "I is I, MEGAM-hello? Oh for crying out LOUD you've got to be kidding me...!" he walked over to his fish companion and what followed had Roxanne almost wanting to burst into hysterics.

Megamind was climbing on top of Minion, using the robot's arms and knees in order to pull himself up until he was standing on his shoulders, trying to get a better reception. Minion, meanwhile, looked fairly ticked off at being used as a receptor tower. He took a few steps and Megamind yelped, fell, but wrapped an arm around the dome to keep himself up. "Hello, hello?" he asked, before grinning. "A-hah! Metro Man!" he greeted, "Why yes, it is I, Megamind! Nefarious thorn in your side, spreading disease and bruises and infections! So good to hear your voice. Can you guess who I have with me? ...nooo, not Minion. Though he is here, of course he is."

"Hello Metro Man." Minion said sourly, since he could hear what the hero was saying easily since Megamind's skinny legs were wrapped around his dome, to stop himself from falling off entirely.

"He says hello." Megamind informed him before going back to the phone. "I have a young lady of whom I know you to be quite familiar with, nay, quite fond! I have, _Roxanne Ritchi!_"

Roxanne rolled her eyes, and began fussing with the robes at her wrists, trying to wriggle her way out. Seemed, though, that Megamind was very good at tying knots. She grunted and strained, and the chair she was on suddenly jolted. Megamind, eyes going to the woman, almost dropped his phone. "Roxanne! No, don't do that-!" he suddenly leapt off of Minion's dome and just as he reached the chair Roxanne rocked it enough that she went falling back, and her feet came in contact with Megamind's chin. The blue alien went flying backwards, head over heels and his cape ended up covering the back of his head as he lay there, as did Roxanne on the floor.

"Ah!" Minion yelped before speaking into the mobile that Megamind had thrust into his hands. "We'll call you back bye!" he hung up and hurried to his boss, tugging the cape down from around his head. "Sir, Sir are you all right?"

"Uh thenk uh bit mah tunghue." Megamind muffled as he gingerly got to his feet. "Ugh! Uh DED!" he groaned, putting his hands to his mouth before glaring at Roxanne, who was now on her back on the chair. Her skirt had actually hitched up far more than one would think with a simple falling back on a chair and her thighs were now well and truly on display, and Megamind simply stared. His face turned a violent violet shade as he stared before Minion rushed around him, grabbing the chair.

"Serves you right!" she spat, still trying to kick her legs but couldn't do too much damage against a robot body who righted her. Roxanne glared at Megamind once she was right side up, "Just what are you hoping to gain exactly?" Roxanne asked, "Metro Man _has_ no weaknesses! He'll show up just at the right time and serve your sorry little ass back to the Warden where you belong!"

"Uh duh thunk yew knuh whut yur dheelin' wuth!" Megamind spat back at her, his swollen sore tongue hindering his words so badly it even made Minion snigger to himself. Megamind cast his fish an angry glare before his eyes widened. "Metruh Mane!" he spluttered, "Whut, where?"

"I had to hang up Sir, you were both on the floor!" Minion said as he handed him back the phone.

"Uh chant beweve dis, dis iz scho sctuupid! Nuh uh gunnah hafta cull hem bhack..." Megamind held up the phone and was about to press the button when another voice entered the conversation.

"No need, Megamind. Since I'm sure you were calling reverse changes I'm here to charge you!" Metro Man announced, having used some kind of super power to find them no doubt. Roxanne guessed it may have been sound, or smell. One of the two. She smiled brightly at him, and he spotted her. "Holding up okay Roxy?" he asked with a charming smile. It was during this brief instance that Minion, who had backed away from everyone, slipped out the back door. Not that it was being cowardice but hey, somebody had to help break Megamind out of jail after he was sent away. Plus if he wasn't, he knew the quick way to meet up with the fish again before the day was out.

"I'd say so. I kicked him in the face, after all." she admitted, smirking over at Megamind who was glaring at her.

"Whull yuh whurr fhallen ovah!" he said.

"Whoa, say it, don't spray it; whatever it is you're saying." Metro Man laughed, unable to help but see the humor in all of this. He had been worried when he'd heard that Megamind had turned to kidnapping, but now he was only relieved to see that Roxy was all right and that Megamind had already been taught a harsh lesson in life. He flew forward suddenly, and grabbed the blue alien by the middle and hefted him into the air before looking at Roxanne and a quick burst of red light came out of his eyes. He flew around her quickly and seconds later the rope that had been binding her was gone.

"That's better..." she muttered, getting to her feet and rubbed at her sore wrists. The ropes had left some burns to it. "Hey I wanna say thank-YOU!" she squealed since Metro Man had suddenly collected her into his one free arm and she instinctively wrapped her arms around his shoulder and chest. "Whoa okay, are we that far from the city?" Roxanne asked shakily, having never been picked up and carried by anyone since she was young enough and small enough that her father could do it.

"Not far at all." Metro Man replied with a smile.

Megamind wanted to shout and curse, to activate his death machine but the remote had been thrown to the floor of the warehouse and no doubt forgotten. His tongue hurt something horrible, so he knew better than to try and talk since it would just shower Metro Man and Roxanne in his spit. No matter how tantalizing the idea was to spit on Metro Man, he just didn't have the energy to do any of that. His first attempt at kidnapping hadn't gone as planned at all. Roxanne hadn't done as instructed, neither had the chair, and his stupid phone hadn't had decent reception and now his tongue hurt and he knew he no doubt had a massive bruise on his jaw from where Roxanne had kicked him.

Over all, quite possibly the worst failure yet. But as they say, there's a benefit to loosing.

You learn from your mistakes.

**End**


End file.
